Family,
My head has been full of millions of emotions. I can´t explain most of them. The part that gives me the most comfort is that I really, really couldn’t care less about the whole Dear John issue. I have other preoccupations. (I don´t know if that is a word... Preocupaciones). We had a great meeting with President this week and he basically talked about cracking down and focusing. I was thankful for that because I do think it really helped. He gave a great example that showed us how important our calling really is, and how the Lord expects us to work in his vineyard.
We actually had a very successful week. We brought lots of people to church and have some great baptismal prospects. We worked very hard in the midst of all my crazy emotions. What I think really freaks me out is my future. I just don`t have any idea what I want to do. I have an idea of what I want to do but it seams more like fantasyland than reality. SO that is a little bit discouraging at times. But as I keep my mind focused on what I am doing, and how Heavenly Father is breathing down my neck, I am okay.
A lot of what you said in your letter makes sense to me. I really have been doing a lot of thinking. A LOT of thinking. Like dad, mostly thinking in the negative. I thought to myself a few times, like you said, why don`t I just give up? What am I getting out of this? I am useless and unneeded. But I think, also like you said, NO I made a covenant in the temple. WHY WOULD I THINK OR CARE ABOUT THAT? If I am ready to quit and give up, why does my covenant in the temple matter? But I am so grateful that I possess that quality. You’re right. One of my gifts is loyalty and commitment to covenants. I surprised myself as I thought that to myself. I don’t need to rethink covenants I have already made! I must actually be doing what is right because I know I made a promise to Heavenly Father… not because I want to please my parents, or my friends, or anyone else.
I have thought and rethought about a lot of things, and I just hope and try to exercise the faith that everything will turn out well. I just don`t want to be miserable for my whole life. I want to find a wife that I love, and share great experiences with her and my children that I love. I want to magnify my calling and help others be happy as I do it. That is where I have to show my faith because as of right now, none of those things are in a clear position. But I do feel a lot better. Every day is a battle, but what did Jesus say? ¨Toma tu cruz y anda¨ I think that means take your cross and walk. It wasn`t all easy and fun and games for him. Why should it be for me?
So yes- we had a much better week this week. I hope you did too. Last night as I was eating dinner with one of the best families in Ecuador, Sister Glenda told me to tell you guys that I love you. I told her it felt awkward to me to tell my family I love them and she about smacked me off the chair. Her son is on a mission in Venezuela. He had to wait 6 months for his visa so he served part of his mission here in Ecuador. He and I were together when I was in Naranjito, so I have a good relationship with him and now the rest of his family. Anyways, so I have to practice so that it becomes more comfortable. I love you MOM. I love you DAD. I love you CAMERON. I love you Gavin. And of course, I love you ABBS.
Love,
Elder McRae
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