11.18.12 Guayaquil, Ecuador

Family,

It was a really great week.  My head has cleared up a lot.  I haven´t really been worrying about anything so that has made me happier.  Jadira got baptized on Saturday and confirmed yesterday.  I will be honest, it was the hardest baptism and confirmation I have experienced.  The stats prove that someone like Jadira would never get baptized.  Last week, the day of her baptism, she flaked out and said she didn´t want to do it.  The next day on Sunday, she didn`t go to church.  We had a difficult time finding her during the week as well.  All those are characteristics of someone who will never get baptized.  Saturday came around and in the morning she said she wasn`t sure, but maybe she should wait another week.  We did everything we could to keep her excited and told her we would pass by in the night to pick her up and take her to the baptism.  We filled the baptismal font, invited members, and got all the baptismal clothes ready with the sick feeling in our hearts that she would end up running away and not getting baptized.  With this feeling still in our hearts we went to Blanca and David`s house to invite them to the baptism.  Before we knocked on the door Blanca walked out all dressed up like she was going to church. She said, ‘Sorry we are running late, David is coming down right now, and Jadira is on her way over now to go to the baptism.’  As we turned around, Jadira was walking towards us to Blanca`s house all dressed up with her baptismal clothes in a bag in her hand.  I can`t describe the happiness that went through my whole body in that moment so I wont try.  But what I can describe is the flying ninja kick I did in the air in the middle of the street in joy about 3 minutes later.  So Jadira got baptized and the next morning we passed by to pick her up for the confirmation.  Jadira said she couldn`t go because her mom was angry at her for something and said she couldn’t leave. We tried and tried and tried to get the mom to let her go but she didn`t want to talk to us.  (The mom has a lot of troubles that we are trying to help her with).  All hope seamed lost until Blanca showed up to take Jadira to her confirmation.  After Blanca talked to the mom and Jadira, Jadira was in the church being confirmed.  I can not believe how awesome Blanca is.  David was at the church early, received the priesthood, and was standing outside the church at 5 15pm, 15 minutes early for the Aaronic priesthood meeting in the church.  David and Blanca have to be two of my best converts.  I am so thankful for them and so proud of how awesome they are and devoted to what they know is true.  Jadira now can feed off of their examples and hopefully in a few weeks, Jadira`s whole family can be members of the church.  

I also heard that my converts from Cuenca, Diego and Elizabeth will be getting sealed in the Guayaquil Temple in March!!!  If i am still here in Guayaquil at that time I will be able to attend the (sellamiento) ¿¿sealing??  

This week has been super great.  We have gotten way more focused.   President held a 2-day meeting with the senior companions of a couple zones and he told us to repent and work harder.  I am still convinced that I have the best mission president in the world.  I know probably everyone says that, but I am sure that Presidente Montalti is the best.  He just knows how to get to me and put me back on the right track.  Anyways, my companion and I made a goal to invite everything that moves and/or breaths to be baptized.  It worked. We had much success.  This week, 11 people accepted to be baptized.  6 actually live in our sector.  We passed the others off to the office to give the references to the missionaries.  What we learned is that we should never be afraid to talk to anyone and that we should just invite them to receive a remission of their sins.  

I hope everything is great in AZ.  Wear 24 proudly Gavin and score North Korean nuclear missiles!  

Love,

Elder McRae  

11.12.12 Guayaquil, Ecuador

Family,

This week had its ups and its downs.  I don`t know why but sometimes I just get super angry.  I guess I let my mind start to get the best of me and I get upset.  As I think like a total pessimist, and ask ¨Why me?¨ or ¨Where are my blessings?¨ I get myself all psyched out.  Anyways, so Tuesday morning, I just woke up angry.  We went to our normal district meeting and I did my best to not show how fuming I was.  Obviously my companion could tell and a couple other missionaries but everything was all under control.  Of course the Super unaware, 3 weeks into her mission, Sister May didn`t notice my attitude.  She asked me to give her a blessing after the district meeting.  She can`t understand Spanish very well yet and I was the only Elder that spoke English there, so she asked me to give it in English.  I took a huge breath and went ahead and gave her a blessing.  I think I messed up over 100 times looking for words and stumbling on pronunciation… but I made it through.  My companion laughed at me all day because he knew I was not super excited to give her a blessing, feeling the way I did.  After about half way through the day, we were walking and I think there was steam coming out of my ears.  I saw a man sitting on the curb looking very upset.  He had a lot of little Ecuador flags and key chains and dumb things like that.  I don`t know how or why I did, but I sat down next to him and asked him how he was doing.  He said, ‘tired’.  I told him I was too.  I could tell he was very shy and sad about his situation.  I asked him how his work was going and he said it wasn`t going well.  So I read him a scripture about how if we put our trust in God he will give us the success in life we are looking for.  Then I bought an Ecuador key chain and we went on our way.  I have never really been able to relate very much with the people I teach but I was glad to be able to relate to this man.  I didn`t feel super amazing afterwards, but I did feel the satisfaction that I helped someone out when I just wanted to kick someone in the head.  

I just still am so surprised for some reason that life is hard.  I am doing my best to notice all the good things in life, so I can refocus my energy and be grateful. 

David and Blanca got baptized.  It was awesome and I am so excited to see them progress in the gospel.  

So it looks like you guys have lots of work to do back at home.  It is crazy how you can never take a break.  There is always something you can do to serve the Lord and better yourself.  

Anyways, i am sill very happy to be here.  I do love my mission and I am enjoying it.  I just have my moments.  The Lord wants me to show a lot of faith right now.  I do understand that. That is what I pray for every night.  Faith and Hope that everything will be okay later.

Love,

Elder McRae

11.5.12 Guyayquil, Ecuador

Family,

We did have another great week as far as the work goes.  We will have three baptisms this week.  Pray for David, Blanca, and Jadira.  David is so excited. From the second we began talking to this kid, he has been full of questions about when he will serve his mission and where he will go.  Yesterday, he went to the church by himself at 4 30 in the afternoon to visit the less active members of his quorum with the other young men.  He is so funny, and I am so thankful I got the opportunity to teach him.  We have had a lot of family home evenings with less active members and they have all turned out really positive.  We are working a lot with the bishop to help this little ward out.  It really does require ALL your time and attention to help build a ward.  When we are working hard, that is when I am the most happy.  My companion, unfortunately, has had to deal with all my emotions and mood swings.  I find myself apologizing to him often.  But I have gotten better.  

Yesterday was El Clasico.  Barcelona against Emelec.  The two biggest teams in Guayaquil.  It ended 5-0.  Imagine what would be going on in the streets of England if Man U beat Chelsea 5-0.  Or in Spain if Real Madrid beat Barcelona 5-0.  There were lots of red cards in the game and a ton of fans kicked out and arrested.  A few deaths also.  It made it basically impossible to work last night.  It was cool to see everyone go crazy though.  

This is about all I have to report.  I have built many great relationships here already.  The people of Guayaquil are so open.  As annoying as that can be it really makes it easier to love them.  They are all God`s children.  I need to work on being more humble.  I have progressed, but I still can see that my pride is holding me back.  It is my pride that puts me in bad moods.  It really is a constant battle.  I always thought that I would reach a point in my life where everything would just be easy and I could make all the right choices and everything would turn out great.  But it really doesn`t get easier.  The circumstances just change and you realize that you have different difficulties to deal with.  (I just reread what I wrote and I have no idea if that makes any sense.  I have too much Spanish in my head)  Point is that Heavenly Father never gives us a break and he always wants us to find ways to better ourselves.  

I am very happy and animated and excited most of the time.  Every day gets better.  

Love,

Elder McRae

P.S.  We NEVER beat Williamsfield.  0-3 in Football and 0-1 in Soccer.  Please kill them!

10.29.12 Guayaquil, Ecuador

Family,

My head has been full of millions of emotions.  I can´t explain most of them. The part that gives me the most comfort is that I really, really couldn’t care less about the whole Dear John issue.  I have other preoccupations. (I don´t know if that is a word... Preocupaciones). We had a great meeting with President this week and he basically talked about cracking down and focusing.  I was thankful for that because I do think it really helped.  He gave a great example that showed us how important our calling really is, and how the Lord expects us to work in his vineyard.  

We actually had a very successful week.  We brought lots of people to church and have some great baptismal prospects.  We worked very hard in the midst of all my crazy emotions.  What I think really freaks me out is my future.  I just don`t have any idea what I want to do.  I have an idea of what I want to do but it seams more like fantasyland than reality.  SO that is a little bit discouraging at times.  But as I keep my mind focused on what I am doing, and how Heavenly Father is breathing down my neck, I am okay.  

A lot of what you said in your letter makes sense to me.  I really have been doing a lot of thinking.  A LOT of thinking.  Like dad, mostly thinking in the negative.  I thought to myself a few times, like you said, why don`t I just give up? What am I getting out of this?  I am useless and unneeded.  But I think, also like you said, NO I made a covenant in the temple.  WHY WOULD I THINK OR CARE ABOUT THAT?  If I am ready to quit and give up, why does my covenant in the temple matter?  But I am so grateful that I possess that quality.  You’re right. One of my gifts is loyalty and commitment to covenants. I surprised myself as I thought that to myself.  I don’t need to rethink covenants I have already made! I must actually be doing what is right because I know I made a promise to Heavenly Father… not because I want to please my parents, or my friends, or anyone else.  

I have thought and rethought about a lot of things, and I just hope and try to exercise the faith that everything will turn out well.  I just don`t want to be miserable for my whole life.  I want to find a wife that I love, and share great experiences with her and my children that I love.  I want to magnify my calling and help others be happy as I do it.  That is where I have to show my faith because as of right now, none of those things are in a clear position.  But I do feel a lot better.  Every day is a battle, but what did Jesus say?  ¨Toma tu cruz y anda¨ I think that means take your cross and walk.  It wasn`t all easy and fun and games for him.  Why should it be for me?  

So yes- we had a much better week this week.  I hope you did too.  Last night as I was eating dinner with one of the best families in Ecuador, Sister Glenda told me to tell you guys that I love you.  I told her it felt awkward to me to tell my family I love them and she about smacked me off the chair.  Her son is on a mission in Venezuela.  He had to wait 6 months for his visa so he served part of his mission here in Ecuador.  He and I were together when I was in Naranjito, so I have a good relationship with him and now the rest of his family.  Anyways, so I have to practice so that it becomes more comfortable.  I love you MOM.  I love you DAD.  I love you CAMERON.  I love you Gavin.  And of course, I love you ABBS.

Love,

Elder McRae

10.22.12 Guayaquil, Ecuador

Family,

Okay, so I want this email to be a lot more real than the other emails I have sent. The truth about how things are going right now is actually not so great. For the last 2 months everything has felt more like a routine.  Basically, ever since I left Cuenca.  I feel like my mission should have only been a year long.  I really have lost my focus.  I feel like I am back in school.  I just procrastinate and wait until the grades close so I can be relieved from the stress instead of doing something to better my grades.  I feel the same way right now.  I haven´t Baptized anyone in 7 weeks now and I don´t really feel much of the desire to baptize anyone.  Ever since I got dropped from zone leader, I have lost my love for missionary work.  My last week as zone leader, I really felt like I had become a great disciple of Christ.  I felt the spirit; I had the desire to work.  So, I don’t know how I feel. I got the Dear John letter, by the way, but I already knew things were headed in that direction and that’s not the biggest problem. The bigger problem is that I feel like crap for not being a zone leader.  It scares me to know that I am going to come home in 9 months and not have become the person I was supposed to become. 

For now, I could really use some advice on how I can get out of this slump.  

If you can respond sometime today, that would be nice.  I will check back later. I could really use some help today.

Family,

I have been praying throughout the day for the strength I need.  More than strength, I feel like I need to clear my head.  The three Elders I live with helped me with that as we burned some Dear John items.  That just led to us all running to the vacant upstairs apartment because smoke filled our whole house.  But I do feel a little better.  Not because of the burning ritual, which was a funny distraction, but because of the emails from you and Dad.  I was writing in my journal and realized that I do not want to leave.  Even though I have felt like total crap something in my heart tells me that I’m in the right place. By the way, I think this is the first time I have ever said this but you guys were right.  I should have finished that relationship well before I left, and girls should do boys a favor and finish it too.  It would have made things much easier.  As for no longer being a zone leader, I do see the good in it.  I do see this as an opportunity to humble myself and overcome challenges.  As I learn to overcome challenges here, I will be more prepared to face them later on.  I will be fasting as well.  I will go home right now and start reading the scriptures.  I felt that prompting to read my scriptures.  You verified it.  Okay well we will see how this week goes.  I will pray for you guys as well.  But tell Dantrell that he is my girlfriend until he finds me a better replacement.  

I have always said to people here in the mission, ‘you choose to feel the way you do!’ I know that that is true.  I guess it is about time I start following my own advice.  I have the power to act and respond to things however I want.  Pray that I will be able to fall in love with the work again.  

Love,

Elder McRae  

10.15.12 Guayaquil, Ecuador

Family,

Okay, so it sounds like everyone is super busy besides me.  I just got changed about 3 minutes up the road to the ward Solana.  My new companion is Elder Saenz.  He is from Nicaragua and has been on the mission for two months.  He looks excited to work which is good because not every companion wants to work.  When I get paired up with a companion who is not excited to work, I do feel like I am helpful.  I actually take the time to sit down and listen.  I also do what I can to serve him and help him not to look bad in front of our leaders.  A lot of missionaries get frustrated and yell at their underachieving companions and highlight everything he is doing wrong and then tell the zone leaders or something. My last companion was a good guy, just a little lazy and didn´t take the rules seriously.  I learned a lot from him though.  Anyways, I am glad to have a fresh new start and I am excited to get back to work.  I hear that this is a good ward.  I also have Sister Missionaries in my district.  That will be something way different for me.  I have never even seen a sister missionary yet in the mission so I have no idea what being their leader will be like.  I just hope I don´t make anyone cry...  Since there have been changes, there really is nothing to report.  Next week I should have more to say.

To Cameron... Hmm... the only advice I would have is don´t do anything stupid.  That´s about it.  There isn´t much you can do to prepare for what you’re about to get yourself into.  You could maybe work with the missionaries more.  Go on visits and tract with them.  Also read and study the doctrine of obedience and the doctrine of Christ.  Study what your calling is as a missionary.  That will help the most I think.

Love, 

Elder McRae

P.S. In my last sector I was really close to LA COLMENA. My old sector.  So i passed by to see some of the members and stuff.  Brother Merchan made me a pair of pants last time I was there and he offered to make me another pair. He showed me a couple of the left over materials that he had.  The red wine fabric was my instant favorite.  I can´t actually use them to proselyte in but they will be sweet when I get home. :)